Excellent Advice for Living by Kevin Kelly
Being enthusiastic is worth 25 IQ points.
Listening well is a superpower. While listening to someone you love keep asking them "Is there more?" until there is no more.
When you forgive others they may not notice but you will heal. Forgiveness is not something we do for others; it is a gift to ourselves.
Taking a break is not a sign of weakness but a sign of strength.
Gratitude will unlock all other virtues and is something you can get better at.
Updated: May 14, 2023
If you are looking for something in your house and you finally find it when you’re done with it don’t put it back where you found it. Put it back where you first looked for it.
Movement plus variety equals health.
A great way to understand yourself is to seriously reflect on everything you find irritating in others.
The advantage of a ridiculously ambitious goal is that it sets the bar very high so even if your effort falls short it may exceed an ordinary success.
Whenever you have a choice between being right or being kind be kind. No exceptions. Don’t confuse kindness with weakness.
We lack rites of passage. Create a memorable family ceremony when your child reaches legal adulthood between eighteen and twenty-one. This moment will become a significant touchstone in their life.
Recipe for greatness: Become just a teeny bit better than you were last year. Repeat every year.
Habit is far more dependable than inspiration. Make progress by making habits. Don’t focus on getting into shape. Focus on becoming the kind of person who never misses a workout.
Rule of 3 in conversation: To get to the real reason, ask a person to go deeper than what they just said. Then again, and then once more. The third time’s answer is the one closest to the truth.
Pros make as many mistakes as amateurs; they’ve just learned how to gracefully recover from their mistakes.
Don’t be the best. Be the only.
Everyone is shy. Other people are waiting for you to introduce yourself to them; they are waiting for you to send them an email; they are waiting for you to ask them on a date. Go ahead.
The more you are interested in others the more interesting they’ll find you. To be interesting, be interested.
Updated: May 17, 2023
Don’t take it personally when someone turns you down. Assume they are like you: busy, occupied, distracted. Try again later. It’s amazing how often a second try works.
The purpose of a habit is to remove that action from self-negotiation. You no longer expend energy deciding whether to do it. You just do it. Good habits can range from telling the truth to flossing.
When you are young, spend at least 6 months to 1 year living as cheaply as you can owning as little as you possibly can eating beans and rice in a tiny room or tent. That way any time you have to risk something in the future, you won’t be afraid of the "worst-case" scenario.
Trust me: There is no "them."
You lead by letting others know what you expect of them which may exceed what they themselves expect. Provide them a reputation that they can step up to.
If you ask for someone’s feedback you’ll get a critic. But if instead you ask for advice you’ll get a partner.
To make something good, just do it. To make something great, just redo it redo it, redo it. The secret to making fine things is in remaking them.
Shorten your to-do list by asking yourself "What is the worst that will happen if this does not get done?" Eliminate all but the disasters.
Nothing elevates a person higher than taking responsibility for their mistakes. If you mess up, fess up. It’s astounding how powerful this ownership is.
Separate the processes of creating from improving. You can’t write and edit or sculpt and polish or make and analyze at the same time. If you do, the editor stops the creator. While you invent, don’t select. While you sketch, don’t inspect. While you write the first draft, don’t reflect. At the start, the creator mind must be unleashed from judgment.
If you are not falling down occasionally you are just coasting.
Updated: May 20, 2023
Perhaps the most counterintuitive truth of the universe is that the more you give to others the more you’ll get. Understanding this is the beginning of wisdom.
Keep showing up. 99% of success is just showing up. In fact, most success is just persistence.
Before you are old attend as many funerals as you can bear and listen. Nobody talks about the departed’s achievements. The only thing people will remember is what kind of person you were while you were achieving.
On vacation go to the most remote place on your itinerary first bypassing the cities and then return to the big city at the end. You’ll maximize the shock of otherness in the remote, and then later you’ll welcome the familiar conveniences of a busy city on the way back.
When you get invited to do something in the future ask yourself: Would I do this tomorrow? Not too many promises will pass that immediacy filter.
When someone is nasty, hateful, or mean toward you treat their behavior like an affliction or illness they have. That makes it easier to have empathy toward them which can soften the conflict.
That thing that made you weird as a kid could make you great as an adult —if you don’t lose it.
Following your bliss is a recipe for paralysis if you don’t know what you are passionate about. A better path for most youth is "master something." Through mastery of one thing you’ll command a viewpoint to steadily find where your bliss is.
You are never too young to wonder "Why am I still doing this?" You need to have an excellent answer.
Investing small amounts of money over a long time works miracles but no one wants to get rich slow.
The main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing.
To build strong children reinforce their sense of belonging to a family by articulating exactly what is distinctive about your family. They should be able to say with pride "Our family does X."
If you are not embarrassed by your past self you have probably not grown up yet.
Outlaw the word "you" during domestic arguments.
Updated: May 20, 2023
On the way to a grand goal celebrate the smallest victories as if each one were the final goal. That way, no matter where it ends you are victorious.
Most overnight successes —in fact, any significant successes— take at least 5 years. Budget your life accordingly.
For marital bliss take turns allowing each partner to be always right.
Fear makes people do stupid things so don’t trust anything made in fear.
If you can avoid seeking the approval of others your power is limitless.
Ignore what others may be thinking of you because they aren’t thinking of you.
It is much easier to change how you think by changing your behavior than it is to change your behavior by changing how you think. Act out the change you seek.
Avoid hitting the snooze button. That’s just training you to oversleep.
Children totally accept —and crave—family rules. "In our family we have a rule for X" is the only excuse a parent needs for setting a family policy. In fact, "I have a rule for X" is the only excuse you need for your own personal policies.
Updated: May 31, 2023
If you are buying stock, the person selling it thinks it is worth less than you do. If you are selling, they think it is worth more than you do. Each time you are ready to buy or sell stock ask yourself "What do I know that they don’t?"
About 99% of the time the right time is right now.
Cultivate 12 people who love you because they are worth more than 12 million people who like you.
Always be quick to give credit and to take blame.
Be frugal in all things except in your passions. Select a few interests that you gleefully splurge on. In fact, be all-around thrifty so that you can splurge on your passions.
To manage yourself use your head; to manage others use your heart.
Dance with your hips.
Take one simple thing —almost anything— but take it extremely seriously as if it is the only thing in the world —or maybe the entire world is in it— and by taking it seriously you’ll light up the sky.
Don’t ever work for someone you don’t want to become.
Figure out what time of day you are most productive and protect that time period.
Experiences are fun and having influence is rewarding but only mattering makes us happy. Do stuff that matters.
Greatness is incompatible with optimizing in the short term. To achieve greatness requires a long view. Raise your time horizon to raise your goal.
You have to first follow the rules with diligence in order to break them productively.
Learning probability and statistics is far more useful than learning algebra and calculus.
If winning becomes too important in a game change the rules to make it more fun. Changing rules can become the new game.
The greatest teacher is called "doing."
Anything you say before the word "but" does not count.
The consistency of your endeavors (exercise, companionship, work) is more important than the quantity. Nothing beats small things done every day which is way more important than what you do occasionally.
When you lead your real job is to create more leaders not more followers.
Efficiency is highly overrated; goofing off is highly underrated. Regularly scheduled sabbaths, sabbaticals vacations, breaks, aimless walks and time off are essential for top performance of any kind. The best work ethic requires a good rest ethic.
Productivity is often a distraction. Don’t aim for better ways to get through your tasks as quickly as possible. Instead aim for better tasks that you never want to stop doing.
Your enjoyment of travel is inversely proportional to the size of your luggage. This is 100% true of backpacking. It is liberating to realize how little you really need.
The biggest lie we tell ourselves is "I don’t need to write this down because I will remember it."
Don’t keep making the same mistakes; try to make new mistakes.
Your growth as a mature being is measured by the number of uncomfortable conversations you are willing to have.
Immediately pay what you owe to vendors, workers, contractors. If you do, they will go out of their way to work with you first next time.
The four most powerful words in any negotiation should be uttered by you: "Can you do better?"
There is no such thing as being "on time." Either you are late or you are early. Your choice.
In a genuine survival situation, you can go 3 weeks without food and 3 days without water but only 3 hours without warmth or shade. So don’t worry about food. Focus on temperature and water.
When you feel like quitting just do five more: 5 more minutes, 5 more pages 5 more steps. Then repeat. Sometimes you can break through and keep going but even if you can’t, you ended five ahead. Tell yourself that you will quit tomorrow but not today.
Ask anyone you admire: Their lucky breaks happened on a detour from their main goal. So embrace detours. Life is not a straight line for anyone.
When speaking to an audience pause frequently. Pause before you say something in a new way pause after you have said something you believe is important and pause as a relief to let listeners absorb details.
You’ll get 10 times better results by elevating good behavior rather than punishing bad behavior especially in children and animals.
When you’re checking references for a job applicant, their employer may be prohibited from saying anything negative so leave or send a message that says "Get back to me if you highly recommend this applicant as super great." If they don’t reply, take that as a negative.
When you have some success, the feeling of being an imposter can be real. Who am I fooling? But when you create things that only you with your unique talents and experience can do then you are absolutely not an imposter. You are the ordained. It is your destiny to work on things that only you can do.
When you don’t know how much to pay someone for a particular task ask them, "What would be fair?" and their answer usually is.
The general strategy for real estate is to buy the worst property on the best street.
Constantly search for overlapping areas of agreement and dwell there. Disagreements will appear to be edge cases.
90% of everything is crap. If you think you don’t like opera, romance novels, TikTok, country music, vegan food NFTs, keep trying to see if you can find the 10% that is not crap.
Updated: Jun 02, 2023
Your best job will be one that you were unqualified for because it stretches you. In fact, only apply to jobs you are unqualified for.
A wise man said: Before you speak, let your words pass through three gates. At the first gate, ask yourself, "Is it true?" At the second gate ask, "Is it necessary?" At the third gate ask, "Is it kind?"
The best investing advice: Average returns, maintained for above-average periods of time will yield extraordinary results. Buy and hold.
Take the stairs.
Most articles and stories are improved significantly if you delete the first page of the manuscript. Start with the action.
Getting cheated occasionally is the small price for trusting the best of everyone because when you trust the best in others they generally treat you best.
It’s possible that a not-so-smart person who can communicate well can do much better than a super-smart person who can’t communicate well. That is good news because it is much easier to improve your communication skills than your intelligence.
For the best results with your children spend only half the money you think you should but double the time with them.
Updated: Jun 03, 2023
Art is whatever you can get away with.
When you are stuck explain your problem to others. Often simply laying out a problem will present a solution. Make "explaining the problem" part of your troubleshooting process.
When introduced to someone make eye contact and count to four or say to yourself, "I see you." You’ll both remember each other.
Your group can achieve great things way beyond your means simply by showing people that they are appreciated.
Be a pro. Back up your backup. Have at least one physical backup and one backup in the cloud. Have more than one of each. How much would you pay to retrieve all your data, photos, notes if you lost them? Backups are cheap compared to regrets.
Prescription for popular success: do something strange. Make a habit of your weird.
Your time and space are limited. Remove, give away, throw out anything that no longer gives you joy in order to make room for those that do.
To signal an emergency use the rule of 3: 3 shouts, 3 horn blasts, or 3 whistles.
Explore or optimize? Do you optimize what you know will sell or explore with something new? Do you order a restaurant dish you are sure is great (optimize) or do you try something new? Do you keep dating new folks (explore) or try to commit to someone you met? The ideal balance for exploring new things vs. optimizing those already found is ⅓. Spend ⅓ of your time on exploring and ⅔ on optimizing and deepening. As you mature it is harder to devote time to exploring because it seems unproductive but aim for ⅓.
Don’t bother fighting the old just build the new.
When negotiating don’t aim for a bigger piece of the pie; aim to create a bigger pie.
Do more of what looks like work to others but is play for you.
If you repeated what you did today 365 more times will you be where you want to be next year?
The best time to negotiate your salary for a new job is the moment after they say they want you and not before. Then it becomes a game of chicken for each side to name an amount first but it is to your advantage to get them to give a number before you do.
Reading to your children regularly is the best school they will ever get.
A superpower worth cultivating is learning from people you don’t like. It is called "humility." This is the courage to let dumb, stupid, hateful, crazy, mean people teach you something because despite their character flaws they each know something you don’t.
The trick to making wise decisions is to evaluate your choices as if you were looking back 25 years from today. What would your future self think?
To be interesting just tell your own story with uncommon honesty.
When speaking to an audience it’s better to fix your gaze on a few people than to "spray" your gaze across the room. Your eyes telegraph to others whether you really believe what you are saying.
The main reason to produce something every day is that you must throw away a lot of good work to reach the great stuff. To let it all go easily you need to be convinced that there is "more where that came from." You get that in steady production.
The real test of your character is not how you deal with adversity— although that will teach you much. The real test is how you deal with power. The only cure for power is humility and the admission that your power comes from luck. The small person believes they are superior; the superior person knows they are lucky.
It is easy to get trapped by your own success. Say no to tasks you probably won’t fail at and say yes to what you could fail at.
Unhappiness comes from wanting what others have. Happiness comes from wanting what you already have.
To get your message across follow this formula used by ad writers everywhere: simplify, simplify, simplify, then exaggerate.
The very best thing you can do for your kids is to love your spouse.
If we all threw our troubles into a big pile and we saw everyone else’s problems we would immediately grab ours back.
Your heart needs to be as educated as your mind.
Let your children choose their punishments. They’ll be tougher than you will.
Fully embrace "What is the worst that can happen?" at each juncture in life. Rehearsing your response to the "worst" can reveal it as an adventure and rob it of its power to stall you.
Updated: Jun 05, 2023
Make one to throw away. The only way to write a great book is to first write an awful book. Ditto for a movie, song, piece of furniture or anything.
Anger is not the proper response to anger. When you see someone angry you are seeing their pain. Compassion is the proper response to anger.
When you find something you really enjoy do it slowly.
Your flaws and your strengths are two poles of the same traits. For instance, there is only a tiny difference between stubbornness and perseverance or between courage and foolishness. The sole difference is in the goal. It’s stupid stubbornness and reckless foolishness if the goal does not matter, and relentless perseverance and courage if it does. To earn dignity with your flaws own up to them, and make sure you push on things that matter.
It is impossible for you to become poor by giving. It is impossible for you to become wealthy without giving.
Be extremely stingy in making promises because you must be generous in keeping them.
The best way to advise young people is to find out what they really want to do and then advise them to do it.
The big dirty secret is that everyone especially the famous are just making it up as they go along.
You choose to be lucky by believing that any setbacks are just temporary.
To lower tensions during a dispute, mirror the other person’s body language.
For a great payoff be especially curious about the things you are not interested in.
When you can’t decide ask yourself, "Which choice will pay off more later than now?" The easy choice pays off right away. The best choice will pay off at the end.
Measure your wealth not by the things you can buy but by the things that no money can buy.
To learn from your mistakes first laugh at your mistakes.
Your opinion on a contentious issue gains power when you can argue the opposite side as well as they can.
The purpose of listening is not to reply, but to hear what is not being said.
Spending as little as 15 minutes (1% of your day) on improving how you do your thing, is the most powerful way to amplify and advance your thing.
Instead of asking your child what they learned today, ask them who they helped today.
The greatest killer of happiness is comparison. If you must compare, compare yourself to you yesterday.
Your 20s are the perfect time to do a few things that are unusual, weird, bold, risky, unexplainable, crazy, unprofitable, and look nothing like "success." For the rest of your life these experiences will serve as your muse.
To succeed once focus on the outcome; to keep succeeding focus on the process that makes the outcome.
If you are stuck in life travel to a place you have never heard of.
Your best photo portrait will be taken not while you are smiling but when you are quiet a moment after you have been laughing. Use a photographer who makes you laugh.
When making plans you must allow yourself to get lost in order to find the thing you didn’t know you were looking for.
The natural state of all possessions is to need repair and maintenance. What you own will eventually own you. Choose selectively.
Commit to doing no work no business no income one day a week. Call it a sabbath (or not). Use that day for resting, recharging, and cultivating the most important things in life. Counterintuitively, this sabbath will prove to be your most productive act all week.
Embrace pronoia which is the opposite of paranoia. Choose to believe that the entire universe is conspiring behind your back to make you a success.
When you are stuck, make a long list of everything that cannot possibly work. On that list will be a seed that leads to a solution that will work.
Re-visioning the ordinary is what art, literature, and comedy do. You can elevate mundane details into magical wonders simply by noticing them.
Invent as many family rituals as you can handle with ease. Anything done on a schedule —large or small, significant or silly— can become a ritual. Repeated consistently small routines become legendary. Anticipation is key.
The chief prevention against getting old is to remain astonished.
Your goal is to be able to say on the day before you die that you have fully become yourself.