There's a Hole in My Sidewalk by Portia Nelson
I am part of all that I have met." —TENNYSON To all of you, whoever you are, I humbly dedicate this book.
My life has been a series of wonderful experiences. It’s a pity I wasn’t there for most of them.
AUTOBIOGRAPHY IN FIVE SHORT CHAPTERS Chapter One I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I fall in. I am lost …. I am helpless. It isn’t my fault. It takes forever to find a way out. Chapter Two I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I pretend I don’t see it. I fall in again. I can’t believe I am in this same place. But, it isn’t my fault. It still takes a long time to get out. Chapter Three I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I see it is there. I still fall in … it’s a habit … but, my eyes are open. I know where I am. It is my fault. I get out immediately. Chapter Four I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it. Chapter Five I walk down another street.
I don’t know what I want sometimes, But I know that I want to know what I want. I know that once I know what I want I will be able to get it. Of course, I may not want what I get when I get it …. But, at least I’ll know I don’t want that! Then, I can move on to something else I don’t know if I want. That’s progress!
I know why we are friends. It’s because I don’t always approve of you. You don’t think you deserve approval. So … if I gave it to you, you would not approve of me and I would lose your trust. Friendship is based on trust and I want you to trust me because I need your approval. However, if I get your approval, I will not trust you because I don’t think I deserve approval either. I know why we are friends.
You have made a fool of me! I know that I am not the most beautiful, the most talented, the most intelligent person in the world … but I liked you … and I wanted you to think I was. So … I tried to be beautiful talented and intelligent for you. However, since I succeeded in making you believe it, naturally, I immediately lost respect for you for not seeing that I had fooled you. Now … I am intelligent enough, beautiful enough and talented enough not to be associated with fools … and I am incensed that I didn’t see how foolish you were at once. But … I liked you then … and … it drove me to make you believe what I wanted you to believe …. Except … I was so convincing, I began to believe it myself! Now … anybody who believes things like that about me is a fool. That makes me a fool! And if it weren’t for you believing what I wanted you to believe, I wouldn’t know that. I hate you for making a fool of me!
Will you please stop trying to finish my sentences before I do? It’s humiliating! After all … it’s my sentence! Let me show it off! I know you are really trying to let me know how sensitive and smart you are … and how deeply you understand me …. But … if you are that smart … please let me think that I am smarter than you by not impressing me with how smart you are in the middle of my sentences! Of course, if I am smart enough to be aware of what you are up to … Then, I should be smart enough to know it doesn’t matter what you do in the middle of my sentences. Maybe I’m not so smart! Now, that is humiliating!
How wise of you to wait … to fill the shy, awkward spaces with white wine and cushioned conversation. I am aware that you are allowing me time to become accustomed to the cities of your smile … and to window shop your eyes … until, at last, I am so full of you, that I no longer blush on my way into your arms.
It’s a dreary day …. Let’s just stay inside. We can pretend that Kisses are brushes and that we are each other’s canvases. We won’t need a northern light … or any light at all, for that matter …. And who cares if we ever finish the picture, anyway.
I would give you everything … if I could … but, the only gift worth giving is freedom … the freedom to grow … away from me if necessary. Of course, one can’t give freedom, but, at least I know that. Maybe that’s the gift then … the knowing …. And I couldn’t tie a ribbon around it even if I wanted to.
Updated: Nov 29, 2022
The softer I walk The louder I hear.
The real growth is in recognizing that we do always get what we want in life … one way or another.
Listen to what you criticize most severely And you will hear what you most fear you are.
The nicest thing about my life, now, is that I am here with me most of the time.
To live happily with a pet, one must first accept the responsibility of disciplining it consistently and firmly with much love! To live happily with ourselves … it is the same.
I can tell how secure I am now. I no longer clean the house the day before the maid comes!
In youth … man seems to satisfy loneliness with passion …. And in maturity … aloneness … with compassion. What a pity the difference is most often discovered after muscle and bone can no longer climb to the top of the mountain.
I have come to regard unrequited love like a hole in a sock. Mend it, or discard it! Don’t just stand there with cold feet!
Disciplining one’s self can be carried too far. It is alright to relax part of the time. Even the soils is richer when it rests every seven years.
I walk down another street.